The first time. Emotions and foreplay

For a woman, sexual desire and arousal are dependent on a number of factors. Among these are emotions, tenderness and the attention given to the whole experience, including foreplay. The male must learn to share and participate in this journey to mutual satisfaction. Especially during the "first time", which is one of the most important experiences in a man’s life. Since the subject is taboo, we are almost always unprepared for what is to come with this first time. However, mastering the emotions and sexual foreplay are essential "skills" for a satisfying relationship, for both partners.

It is to be expected that when the moment arrives, and the day of the first time is there, the expectations that have been built up during the waiting, risk ruining everything. Anxiety about the first time is not exclusive to the male. The woman is also tested, worried that it may be painful, that she will be unable to enjoy it properly or that she will not measure up to the expectations. From his side, the male shares these concerns which are both equal and opposite at the same time: will he be able to please his partner? It is well known that anxiety about performance can dramatically inhibit an erection and/or control of ejaculation thus causing premature ejaculation.

The need to prove to yourself and your partner that you are adequate and competent, interferes therefore with the ability to enjoy sex freely. There are people who focus almost exclusively on the moment of penetration and orgasm (especially their own), completely forgetting about the other person and leaving them behind. With sex, timing, preferences and needs are all very personal. The ability to agree on all of these points is a skill that is gained through experience. But also during the first time, it is possible to reach an agreement on these if you avoid taking the dominant position and instead develop the ability to listen to the feelings, needs and signals of the other.

In men, the orgasm coincides with ejaculation while in women it coincides with the repeated contracting of the walls of the vagina. For penetration, both the male and female genitals must be sufficiently excited. To allow easy penetration, the vagina must be lubricated and expanded, while the penis must become rigid and stay this way. Foreplay is a way to reach a high state of arousal and discover each other’s bodies, therefore inducing greater sexual pleasure. The erogenous zones vary from person to person and the greater the confidence in helping one another, the more one can understand how to give a partner pleasure. For this reason it’s important to take the time to explore one’s own body as well as that of the partner. Without any barriers, that is.



Carpenter LM. Gender & Society 2002;16(3):345-365.

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